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An Open Letter to my Younger self

Dear Armelle,


You're going to be diagnosed with dyslexia. And as much as I hate to say it, your fears won't go away.


I know you've always had feelings of indifference. They won't go away. And I know you've never truly felt comfortable in yourself. That never went away either.


You slowly start to realise that the whispers surrounding you don't change. 'She's so dumb' and 'she just needs to work harder to be at our level' won't go away, they'll just be a different reason behind it. Proving to someone else that you're not one thing will only cement their opinions in their minds and you would have achieved nothing in trying to improve your self image. Because, well, people don't understand. They still think dyslexia is a term to validate their negative feelings toward you.


It goes from 'she's not that intelligent' to 'so that's why she's not that intelligent' pretty damn quickly.


But you do eventually get to a place where you can laugh. As you embrace your dyslexia, your laugh gets louder, your smile becomes brighter. Everything that once made you sob will make you angry, then that anger will turn to sadness. But not for yourself, for others. The same ones who doubted you.


So while you never feel comfortable with who you are, you made peace with her inner being, and that being became a flame, and that flame became a force to be reckoned with. For those voices around you don't dim, but you choose to ignore it.


The comfort never comes though. You learn to revel in it. Discomfort is always there and it's pushing you further until you finally learn that you're not seeking others' validation, but your own.



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